Hollywood Dweeb Fallacy II: Marriage is a Mutual Trophy Acquisition Procedure

The Hollywood Dweeb Marital Fallacy II:

Marriage is a Mutual Trophy Acquisition Procedure

In Hollywood, in Hollywood movies, in Junior High, the object of relationships is to show off, and personal happiness is a remote secondary issue.

Take Brittany Murphy’s character, Tai, in Clueless (still the best film adaptation of a Jane Austen novel). She actually really likes stoner dude Travis but is talked into liking Elton, higher on the social ladder but really kinda empty and soul-less and boring. (In the novel Emma, Harriet actually loves a cute farmer boy, but Emma talks her into loving the vicar, Mr. Elton). The Tai/Harriet character lets herself be persuaded that she can “get” someone higher on the social scale but is never really happy; she just thinks she should be happy.

Remember the three love factors: Character, Time, and Intuition. Ambition’s not there anywhere, is it? For fun, go through the three factors with the Cher/Emma character and Josh/Mr. Knightly – see the difference? She’s known him long enough to establish his true character, which is fine; and although intuition hits late, it hits hard: bingo – True Love.


"He could have anybody, and he wants me" is not the central issue of a love affair, at least outside junior high or Hollywood, although it always seems as if it should be. It probably has seeped into your brain – shake it off.

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Four Wrong Things You Can Do With Your Intuition

Let's establish when not to pay attention to what our inner voice is telling us.

The Four Wrong Things You Can Do With Your Intuition

Non-newbies know several things about intuition - but only because they messed up and figured it out later. There are four main dangers about intuition:

1. He is Undiscovered Treasure. You cannot rely on your intuition that although he seems to be a bad guy, although everybody you know who's not in love with him thinks that his character is completely awful and that he's a danger to you, you can trust what your heart is saying - that he's actually a wonderful guy who, with your love and help, will make all your own dreams come true. It never happens except in the movies.

2. Your love is so great, though instantaneous, that you are reading all his thoughts, and he is reading all yours. This also never happens except in the movies. A great example of this is in the classic Letter from An Unknown Woman, where Joan Fontaine throws her life away because what she thought was magic was actually a skillfully constructed seduction con.

3. Pretend it’s intuition when it’s actually desperation. So here's where I reveal a secret about us girls: sometimes we pretend to ourselves that passion just flat out overcame us, just like Jennifer Jones saying no and no and actually slashing Gregory Peck's cheeks with our fingernails in our earnest desire to keep ahold of our virtue except that passion overrules us and it's not our fault. (Duel in the Sun -- one of the worst movies of all time; one of the most watchable worst movies of all time.)

But we aren't really giving in to a wave of passion, we're making a conscious choice to cast ourselves into the abyss because we're bored or we're troubled, we’re afraid we’ll be alone forever, and we hope that maybe something wonderful might come out of abyss-casting through sheer dumb luck. But we say it was just one of those excitement of the moment things; we say we're trusting our intuition.

4. "She sounds like that voice inside your head that tells you you can't do anything." (Fom Postcards from the Edge' -- she's referring to her grandmother) Everybody hears this voice occasionally, even Meryl Streep, who says it in the movie and Carrie Fisher, who wrote it. It's nothing to worry about; it's something that will pass if you’re calm. [Can't wait? Get Postcards from the Edge now at iTunes: ]







Keep Reading!

Buy Letter From An Unknown Woman now - learn how to resist a seduction:

Intuition -- The Fun Love Factor

Intuition - You Just Know