The Second Variable in Finding True Love

[Need to catch up on the first love variable?]

2. Time -

We all remember Sleeping Beauty, singing in the forest:

Though I know it’s true
That visions are seldom all they seem,
But if I know you, I know what you’ll do,
You’ll Love Me At Once

We tend to focus more on the “love me at once” part than the “visions are seldom all they seem” part. And why not, it’s fun.





But let’s back up to the fab Pillow Talk movie, where Rock is pretending to be a nice guy to get Doris into bed – here’s a critical exchange:

"So nice to meet a man you feel you can trust," says Doris,
and "I'd say, five or ... six dates ought to do it." says Rock.

Remember, the three variables to working out whether it’s true love or something less are: character, time, and intuition. And it’s so tempting to skip the first two and dive right into the fun one, but that’s the way girls get their hearts broken – actually, if you only get your heart broken, you’ve been lucky. (See also Kate Winslet's Marianne in Sense and Sensibility).

Guys like the Rock Hudson character play on our fantasy that everything will happen in a rush – they can play you and leave without having to put in much of their time.

If this relationship lasts, this will have been the most romantic moment of my life. If it doesn't, I'm a complete slut." Kathleen Turner, in War of the Roses

It’s a gamble. Don’t worry, though; follow this blog and learn everything there is to know about seduction techniques, and you’ll increase your odds considerably.

If you're the kind of gal who likes to be ahead of the class, go ahead and watch Meryl Streep's unfortunate adventures in ignoring time in relationships in Postcards From the Edge now from iTunes:

3 Variables of True Love

Discerning the difference between love and lust involves paying close attention to three principal variables: character, time, and intuition.

1. Character - Yours and His

The Keira Knightly Pride and Prejudice version got a lot of things right, but they left out this very important line from the book:

Elizabeth: To be sure, you knew no actual good of me, but nobody thinks of that when they fall in love.

Basic Rule: if either yours or his is seriously flawed or completely absent, the relationship will not ultimately work, even (and this is the hard part) even if there is actually real love. There are no known exceptions to this rule.

(a) Your character. Do you have any?

There's a reason we’re starting with How To Tell if It’s True Love and not "What are the better entrapment techniques?" It's because I presume that you're interested in a relationship that lasts a lifetime, a happy and integral complement to your already rich and interesting life.



In another Jane Austen-based film, Sense and Sensibility, Kate Winslet falls for a man no character, and he breaks her heart, luckily before she marries him and he destroys her life and reputation as well. Marianne threw caution to the winds when falling in love with Willoughby, disregarding then-existing rules of social conduct. Unquestionably, Willoughby loved her, but his nefarious deeds and general selfishness of character made lasting love impossible.

There's a period of time in the storyline of the sisters where both feel they've been dumped, but Emma Thompson at least has the comfort that she didn't fall in love with a jerk.

Ironically, while Marianne thought she was finding wild romance with Willoughby and that Colonel Brandon was boring, she eventually found that Colonel Brandon was a wildly romantic creature with a tragic love in his past.

Meanwhile, watch the storyline of Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant -- Hugh Grant makes the difficult decisions to honor his commitments and do the right thing, and everything works out for them.

Can't wait? Get Sense and Sensibility now at iTunes:

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Aunt Lee Says: Everybody will be on Netflix eventually -- why not start today?