Predictably, More on Character

I know, I know that your eyes kinda glaze over when you see the first element of knowing if it’s true love – character. But answer me this – does Sandra Bullock have any happy memories of her marriage? I’m not faulting Sandra; I really think that was an extraordinary situation. My research turned up info from his old friends that showed that he was extremely talented at being whoever you wanted him to be. My researched turned up info that showed that Sandra wants to find the best in people, to be forgiving, to be kindhearted. All excellent qualities, but all qualities that can land a girl in trouble when choosing a mate. Remember we talked about the movie Pillow Talk, how:

Somehow, in Pillow Talk, nobody ever stops to wonder how Doris, who fell in love with chaste, polite, chivalrous Rex Stetson is going to be happy married to rude, selfish womanizer Brad Allen. But I want you to.

And I think what we have here in Sandra’s marriage is Pillow Talk The Lifetime Reality Series. In the Hollywood ending, we are supposed to believe that love has changed Rock, that he has become the good person he was pretending to be. In real life, this never happens – rude, selfish womanizer Jesse couldn’t keep up the pretense of being a man of high character over the long term, because that’s not who he was. And that’s why character is the first element of knowing whether it’s true love.

I Can’t Believe You Didn’t Know It Was A Line!

I Can’t Believe You Didn’t Know It Was A Line!

In the very first episode of “Friends,” Monica falls for a seduction line and doesn’t even realize it until Joey and Ross explain it to her. (Refresh your memory - download it now:

It’s a sad, sad thing that this line continues to work when it's been excruciatingly well documented in movies (the best examples are in Some Like It Hot and Pillow Talk). Monica fell, but you won’t have to, if you follow this blog.

Seduction Con Lines

Luckily for us, even after centuries of guys desperately pooling resources and stealing seduction ideas from books and movies and each other, the lines they come up with are pretty predictable.

Seduction Con Lines will generally fall into three basic, easily recognizable categories, with subcategories as plentiful as the desperation that drives them, along with one scheme that never, ever works on us but that two subgroups of sub-men, with blindingly hilarious stupidity continually believe will work someday. Plus the one seduction con that’s been working pretty effectively since about 1960.

We’ll get to all them.

But as a preview, Monica fell for what has to be called the “Some Like It Hot” seduction – Marilyn Monroe, alone with Tony Curtis on a yacht, is on her guard against being seduced. But Curtis pretends to be – shall we say, “harmless,” moving Marilyn to take on his harmlessness as her personal fix-it project, plying him with champagne and kisses to get him, shall we say, up to speed.

Doris Day falls for the very same seduction con in Pillow Talk, which we’ll get to in some detail and again in Lover Come Back.

Stay with me, and you’ll soon know every seduction technique, plus the effective counter-measures.

The Hollywood Dweeb Marital Fallacy I: An Offer of Marriage Instantaneously Rights All Wrongs.

We’re going to look at ways that movies-into-brain-seeping can mess us up. Here’s:

The Hollywood Dweeb Marital Fallacy I: An Offer of Marriage Instantaneously Rights All Wrongs.

It's the wicked stepsister of "Love Conquers All". It's revisionist history at its most insidious. It's hooked a lot of fine women up to men who don't really deserve them. It's the pinnacle of crazed fantasy which precedes the raging abyss of marital property division and child support enforcement.

It's the standard romantic comedy denouement, so ingrained in our unconscious that it's startling to realize we really don't believe it in our rational selves.

If I'm too late and you actually believe the fallacy, ask any two hundred married women -- they will assure you quickly that marriage hardly erases a man's faults.

We’re going to talk at length about playboys in movies, those perennial non-committers, as we go, but for now, know that Pillow Talk represents the standard – a gorgeous, cool guy sleeps around with everyone on the planet and then accidentally falls in love with an intended conquest.

Somehow, in Pillow Talk, nobody ever stops to wonder how Doris, who fell in love with chaste, polite, chivalrous Rex Stetson is going to be happy married to rude, selfish womanizer Brad Allen. But I want you to.

And nobody really worries about Gwyneth Paltrow – we all just assume that Iron Man and playboy Robert Downey, Jr. would give up all the bimbos if he made a commitment to her. But I want you to.

This Hollywood Dweeb Marital Fallacy should have no place in your own decisions about making lifelong commitments. All I'm saying is watch for it. It's the basis for almost all Hollywood happy endings and almost no real life ones.

Learn about the Hollywood Dweeb Marital Fallacy II.

If you can't wait, get Iron Man at iTunes now:

The Second Variable in Finding True Love

[Need to catch up on the first love variable?]

2. Time -

We all remember Sleeping Beauty, singing in the forest:

Though I know it’s true
That visions are seldom all they seem,
But if I know you, I know what you’ll do,
You’ll Love Me At Once

We tend to focus more on the “love me at once” part than the “visions are seldom all they seem” part. And why not, it’s fun.





But let’s back up to the fab Pillow Talk movie, where Rock is pretending to be a nice guy to get Doris into bed – here’s a critical exchange:

"So nice to meet a man you feel you can trust," says Doris,
and "I'd say, five or ... six dates ought to do it." says Rock.

Remember, the three variables to working out whether it’s true love or something less are: character, time, and intuition. And it’s so tempting to skip the first two and dive right into the fun one, but that’s the way girls get their hearts broken – actually, if you only get your heart broken, you’ve been lucky. (See also Kate Winslet's Marianne in Sense and Sensibility).

Guys like the Rock Hudson character play on our fantasy that everything will happen in a rush – they can play you and leave without having to put in much of their time.

If this relationship lasts, this will have been the most romantic moment of my life. If it doesn't, I'm a complete slut." Kathleen Turner, in War of the Roses

It’s a gamble. Don’t worry, though; follow this blog and learn everything there is to know about seduction techniques, and you’ll increase your odds considerably.

If you're the kind of gal who likes to be ahead of the class, go ahead and watch Meryl Streep's unfortunate adventures in ignoring time in relationships in Postcards From the Edge now from iTunes:

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe.

No, not the actors, God bless them and grant them a measure of privacy, the characters they played in Cruel Intentions. Reese played a sweet virgin, and Ryan played the bad guy who pretended to be a good guy to get her into bed but accidentally fell in love with her, and suffice it to say, it does not end well.

We talked before that the three variables to work out in finding whether it’s true love start with Character – yours and his – and now we’re at:

(b) His character.

I know you don't believe me -- yet -- but whether your lover has a fine, upstanding character will not only provide gargantuan clues as to the authenticity of his love, but it will eventually determine if he completes your life or wrecks it beyond repair.



In Cruel Intentions, Ryan plans to pretend to love her just long enough – all the pretty things he says are lies. This is a common pattern in movies: (and in life, dear)

In Pillow Talk, a movie where Doris Day is exactly like you even though she’s a fictional ‘60’s character, Rock Hudson poses as Rex Stetson, tourist from Texas, polite, chivalrous and true. He says in a voiceover, “I’d say, five, or six dates ought to do it.” He has to pretend, because he knows she already knows he's an unapologetic jerk who wouldn’t get past an opening line if she knew his real name.



These guys can’t keep up the charade forever, though, which will take us to our second variable, Time.


Can't wait? Get Cruel Intentions now at iTunes!

Is It True Love?

In When Harry Met Sally, Joe says it and does't really mean it, although he thinks he does. In About Last Night, Rob Lowe says it and means it, although he doesn't realize he does. In Rio Bravo, John Wayne doesn't say it, he says "You go out like that and I'll arrest you", but he means, I Love You, and Angie Dickinson knows it.

In Where The Boys Are, Dolores Hart says, "Unless you love me the way I love you..." and George Hamilton says, "I love you!" which you can see for yourself in the trailer for the movie:



They think that "I love you" is their trump card, the phrase that will invariably grant them entrance into our souls and bodies. And it sort of is. But how can you tell if the love they're offering is real, or if you are merely a conquest to them? Is it possible at all?

In 1959, Doris Day was able to make this distinction when rogue Rock Hudson actually proposed marriage, but those were more hopeful times. By the sixties, in Where the Boys Are, Yvette Mimieux seems to believe in a convoluted scheme in which the fact that a real Ivy League Boy actually shows up in her life and wants to sleep with her indicates true love. In the late seventies, I thought you could tell it was true love if his eyes actually, literally sparkled.

Since this is the basic question in all romantic relationships,I can't answer it completely here. Okay, I can't answer it completely anywhere, ever, and I don't have easy answers, either, like the sparkly eyes thing I personally had such high hopes for. Mostly, all I can do is to help point out the questions you should be asking yourself.

Keep reading and find out how to find your true love.


Can't wait to get started? Get When Harry Met Sally at iTunes now!